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Joy of Learning Workshop in Falmouth , Ma. The Falmouth Public Library is sponsoring a four-part workshop in March on "Sorting Through Memories" and Things: What Your Children Hope to Find in the Attic When You are Gone."
Tuesdays, March
8,15,22, & 29
1 p.m.
Over the course of a lifetime, we accumulate more than we intend to. Closets fill up, the basement is ringed with old furniture, and the garage becomes narrower and narrower as boxes pile up along both sides. We know perfectly well that most of the things that get packed away will not be used by us again, not even once a year. We ought to sort through the whole precious pile, give away most, discard much, and organize whatever remains. But it's extremely difficult to do. Effectively blockaded by the memories associated with them, the tangible evidence of a lifetime sits silently in boxes refusing to budge. Why is this so? And what can be done?
Psychologist and author Susan Baur is offering a workshop which gives
participants the tools they need to deal with family mementos and
personal keepsakes. Starting with the question, "What did you find
among your parents' possessions that meant the most to you?" and
proceeding through other questions like, "How can possessions help
us assess our lives?" "Do we sort for ourselves or others?" and "What
can and can't be passed on?" she guides participants toward an
understanding of what those crammed closets really represent and how
they can be used to enhance rather than diminish our lives.
The famous psychologist Erik Erikson stated that every period of life has an inescapable challenge, a task that must be undertaken if a person is to remain fully engaged in life. For example, in our early years we have no choice but decide if we can trust others, if we can control ourselves, if we can be intimate with another person. Later in life, the task becomes integrating our lives by revisiting both the best moments and the trouble spots--the paths not taken, the anger not yet resolved, the relationship with someone who is or was always hard to talk to. Either we work to understand how such a great variety of experiences fits into a single life or, Erikson maintained, we drift toward loneliness and a sense of uselessness.
Strange as it may sound, the papers in the desk and the junk in the
garage can help us meet this challenge. When we substitute curiosity
for guilt over allowing possessions to accumulate, we approach the
contents of our house in a new way. Soon realizing that it doesn't matter whether we sort through one pile or a hundred, we find that what does matter is remembering what and whom we have loved. As we unpack the past in light of what we now know, we realize that what we have loved best still lives in our hearts and has not been entirely lost. We also realize that the negative emotions that remain can lead us to
exactly the insights we need. With this understanding, the present
becomes more interesting and a new future emerges. On this both
science and philosophy agree. Research suggests that people who tell
stories about their lives live longer, more vital lives, and the poet Rilke
wrote, "And then comes the knowing that in me there is space for a
second, large, and timeless life."
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